Lately

I used to be really good at documenting my life. Too good, actually.

Between my youtube channel, my blog, and facebook, I pretty much had it all covered. I'd make videos that updated everyone on key life events. I'd write a new blog post from time to time. I'd take lots of pictures with friends and family and post them on facebook. What happened?

I've been busy. Probably too busy. That, and I've realized that most people don't actually care. Confession: I used to think that if people knew more about my life they'd like me more, and that people might actually really want to know what I was doing. Unfortunately I've found that this isn't true, and that really my motivation to be popular was an empty pursuit.

At the end of the day, I need to document my life for me and for someone who might care after I'm gone someday. Someone like my son, Judah, who can't read yet but when he's old and grey and I'm gone he might wonder what his dad thought about things. If you're reading this, Judah, or any of my other kids for that matter, I need you to know that love you very much.

That being said- hello old blog. How are you? I'll see if I can write here a little more often. Let's start my talking about the past several years.

We left camp. We moved to Lincoln. I went on this crazy adventure trying to find out if I was good enough to make videos for a living full-time. There were ups and downs along the way, but 3 1/2 years later the answer is definitely yes, and I'm the full-time Video Director at Lincoln Berean Church. I'm making videos that thousands of people are seeing every weekend. I've made videos that I'm genuinely happy with- videos that I know are good and can hold their own against a professional standard. It's been a wild ride and I've learned and improved immeasurably. But I'm still hungry to get better in whatever ways I can. I haven't "arrived" and I never will. When I make an excellent video, I want to make one that's even more excellent. My strengths and weaknesses both work together to help me succeed. I'm a people-pleaser who's terrified of letting people down and failing. That fear of failure drives me to work even harder. There's pressure. Some is real pressure and some is pressure I put on myself. There's pressure to be more creative, to make something better every time, and most importantly the pressure to communicate the Gospel.

That's where I'm at now. But lately? Lately I've been reminded that I need Jesus. My job isn't easy. I'm a husband and a father of 2 with one on the way. I own a home, I have a car payment, I have friendships that I'm not doing a good job of maintaining. There's a lot of pressure on the 28 year-old me. I shouldn't even pretend that I'm strong enough to handle it all on my own, but that's my default. But lately I've been wanting that to change. God's not a genie. I can't just wish for something to be different and have it be so. A relationship is a 2-way street. But it feels like one of the lanes has been closed for construction for way too long. That's my lane.

I know God created the world and created me, and I believe Jesus is the way, the truth, and the life. I believe that through Jesus we can be saved and have a real relationship with God. I'm broken, I'm lost, I'm weak. I need Jesus.