I don't know about you, but I'm afraid of heights. Something about being off the ground high enough that I could fall to my death just doesn't appeal to me. Maybe I'm crazy. However, despite all that, I have ridden a few roller coasters in my life, I can probably count them on one hand...nonetheless, I have ridden roller coasters. With a baby boy on the way, I realized that there are a lot of similarities between what is about to happen in my life and what happens when I ride a roller coaster.
When I walk up to ride a roller coaster, I have to tell myself "I will be okay, I won't fall to my death, I won't puke all over the guy in front of me, and I might enjoy this." By the time I'm next in line, I'm even a little excited. But then the roller coaster pulls up, the gates open, and the ride operator says, "Next!" All of the sudden all of the feelings of uncertainty that I pushed out of my mind start to come back. Uh-oh. I sit down, I pull the safety-bar over my head...click. Now I'm locked in. There's no going back. Now uncertainty really rains down. "I'm not ready for this roller coaster...I'm going to die," I think to myself. It doesn't matter though. I'm already locked in, there's no turning back. In seconds the roller coaster will be moving, I will be high above the ground screaming my diaphragm off and having no idea what's next.
Click. I'm locked into parenthood. When Lindsay and I were engaged, we made the choice that when we got married we wouldn't do anything to prevent having children. In fact, I got myself really excited to have a kid, but underneath the surface lurked a fear greater than my fear of heights. Being a parent makes all other responsibilities I've had so far in my life so far seem like a kiddie coaster. This is the Mamba that I'm locked into, this is a big scary ride full of sharp turns and death drops. As with the roller coaster, now that I'm locked in I wonder "Am I really ready for this?" The fact is that most, if not all new parents are not. Now I don't mean to sound like a scared little boy, but at the same time I cannot ignore the journey and responsibilities that I am about to embark upon as a father.
But here's the best part about roller coasters. They are a lot of fun. There will be times when I'm scared to death, there will be times when things feel completely out of control, but there will also be times of inexpressible excitement and happiness only comparable to the sensation of free-falling. At the end of the ride, I know I will have a smile on my face and I won't regret going on this roller coaster for a second.
1 comment:
Not a doubt in my mind that you and Linds will be fabulous parents.
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