the dumbest thing ever to be frustrated about

I have been slightly frustrated lately, and it is stupid.

You see I have this problem of not being content with what I have, and sometimes that can cause some problems. Also, I have a problem of trying to find meaning by having a small level of fame on the internet, which is dumb because I know that there are much greater things I should be finding my happiness in.

But I'd like to complain for just a second about something- again, something I probably shouldn't be complaining about. (Deep breath) ...here we go.

At my last check, I have 1878 subscribers on my youtube page. Now that isn't as many as some people, but I know a lot of people who would love to have that many. And while it is nice to have that many, I am discovering more and more that very few of them actually watch my videos. Most of my support and views are local. I have facebook group where I e-mail about 400 people when I get a new video. I post my videos to facebook and twitter. I do whatever else I can to promote them...but that's just smart marketing.

However, I did an experiment with my last video- "Let's Connect" to see what would happen if I didn't do any of that stuff, just to see how many of my subscribers actually watch my videos. The results have been very disappointing, as that video after 1 week still has less than 400 views. I would honestly rather have my subscriber count around 400 and know that they are all watching than close to 2000 and see that hardly any of them watch, it does nothing.

And then, here is my second part of frustration- 400 people watched "Let's Connect" and I have 5 followers on this blog. I have 9 followers on dailybooth. I only gained about 10 followers on twitter because of that video. Are you serious? That means out of my 400 subscribers that watch my videos, only about 10 of them actually care. So really I have 10 subscribers. So really any thought I ever had about me, billgrip, being a more well known person on the internet than johnny somebody with 25 subscribers is a lie.

Lag in Real Life got over 100,000 views, and that's great. The only problem is apparently my subscribers are all 13-17 year old boy gamers. So the only way I'll be able to reach them is if I make videos about video games. I don't even like video games that much anymore, I don't even own an x-box. Grrr, all so frustrating. Maybe I should just start over on youtube...

-Bill