So you're thinking about getting married?
On average, one out of every two marriages in America fail. No one seems to take the vow "till death do we part" seriously...maybe it should be changed to "till difficult times do we part." That would be more accurate. Not that everyone who divorces is without excuse- some are victims of abuse and affairs, but rarely do people try to fix a broken marriage anymore. This isn't how it is supposed to be. The idea of marriage is to find someone to be with for the rest of your life- someone to share a life with, someone who completes you, someone you want to raise children with and grow old with.
As of today I have been married for 438 days. I am confident I have found the right person, just as confident as I was when I asked her to marry me. And I am also confident that I love her more today than I did that day, even though I loved her a lot then! If I told in detail about what I've learned through one year of marriage, I could probably write an entire book. But for this, I will hit a few things that really stand out to me. Let's get real.
1) Get in touch with reality. Many of us formulate our opinions about love, marriage, and happiness by what media tells us. According to movies, lose your virginity as soon as you think you are in love because sex will make your life perfect. Movies don't show the long-term and incredibly fulfilling value of saving yourself for your wedding night, for the ONE person you will spend the rest of your life with. The "fairy-tale" ending that so many movies show usually suggest marriage is some sort of never-ending bliss where you can eat your favorite ice-cream every day while riding on a unicorn. Although I am VERY HAPPY, I will be the first to admit that there are bumps in the road, which brings me to my next point.
2) You are going to face conflict. Perhaps your relationship has been peachy keen to this point. But don't forget, it's easy to always be at your best when you are only together for a few hours on a date. In marriage, you will see each other at your worst. If you are trying to mask anything about yourself while you are dating, it will come out in marriage...and if it doesn't then you aren't really giving yourself to your spouse 100%. I love being married, but there are those days where I'm not too thrilled about the way things are going. There are many sources of conflict within a marriage, number 1 being selfishness.
3) Let go of your pride. If you haven't learned to admit when you are wrong, then you better be a quick learner. Why did you agree to marry each other in the first place? Because you love each other, duh. But what does it mean to really love each other? It means being selfless, it means putting your spouse above yourself in all things. When conflict comes up, it's very easy to forget why you love each other and act very selfishly. In most situations, you are likely both at fault in one way or another. Step back, take a deep breath, and think about how you are wrong rather than how your spouse is wrong. Selfishness is huge, but there are still other reasons conflict will arise.
4) You are two very different people. As if the differences between men and women aren't enough already, you have to remember that you both grew up very differently and think differently about almost everything. For instance, Lindsay thinks the way I make oatmeal is ridiculous and we actually got in a fight about it once. C'mon, it's just oatmeal! Who cares if I make it "glue-like" as she calls it. Another example: to me, biting fingernails is a detestable habit. But Lindsay bites her nails all the time without thinking about it, so I try to help her stop, but I have to get over the fact that she still may bite them regardless of my efforts.
5) Responsibility, what's that? I must admit that I have had a hard time letting go of the "bachelor" that I once was. I definitely enjoyed pwning noobs and wasting my money on eating out or ordering pizza because I was too lazy to cook my own meals. Life was pretty fun then, but now I must lay much of that aside, not that life can't still be fun, it is just that my responsibilities are different. I highly recommend getting a budget and a financial plan before you are married and learn to be responsible with your money, because that is probably the first thing you'll have to get figured out once you do get married or you'll find yourself in all sorts of unnecessary debt. I also had to give up a lot of my bro time, part of that is because I moved away, but even if we all lived in the same area, there would still be nights where I need to stay home with my wife. I could go more into this responsibility issue, but there are many more aspects to it.
Looking back at all that I just wrote, I realize I gave you a lot of the perceived "negative" truths about marriage. Trust me, I could write a blog 10 times this long about the things I love about marriage, and maybe I'll do that sometime. But my best advice to you who are considering marriage at this point is that you come into it with a realistic point of view- that you may be best prepared when times get tough. Honestly, getting married is second only to my salvation as the best thing that has ever happened to me. God brought me together with a woman who is perfect for me, and I am convinced that God created us for each other. And despite our joy with each other, our goal is ultimately to honor God in our marriage and in our individual lives. If you keep that foundation in your own life and in your marriage, Jesus says that it is like building your house on a rock that won't be washed away when the storms come. Above all else, build your life and your marriage on the Rock!
-Billgrip
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