I used to be really good at documenting my life. Too good, actually.
Between my youtube channel, my blog, and facebook, I pretty much had it all covered. I'd make videos that updated everyone on key life events. I'd write a new blog post from time to time. I'd take lots of pictures with friends and family and post them on facebook. What happened?
I've been busy. Probably too busy. That, and I've realized that most people don't actually care. Confession: I used to think that if people knew more about my life they'd like me more, and that people might actually really want to know what I was doing. Unfortunately I've found that this isn't true, and that really my motivation to be popular was an empty pursuit.
At the end of the day, I need to document my life for me and for someone who might care after I'm gone someday. Someone like my son, Judah, who can't read yet but when he's old and grey and I'm gone he might wonder what his dad thought about things. If you're reading this, Judah, or any of my other kids for that matter, I need you to know that love you very much.
That being said- hello old blog. How are you? I'll see if I can write here a little more often. Let's start my talking about the past several years.
We left camp. We moved to Lincoln. I went on this crazy adventure trying to find out if I was good enough to make videos for a living full-time. There were ups and downs along the way, but 3 1/2 years later the answer is definitely yes, and I'm the full-time Video Director at Lincoln Berean Church. I'm making videos that thousands of people are seeing every weekend. I've made videos that I'm genuinely happy with- videos that I know are good and can hold their own against a professional standard. It's been a wild ride and I've learned and improved immeasurably. But I'm still hungry to get better in whatever ways I can. I haven't "arrived" and I never will. When I make an excellent video, I want to make one that's even more excellent. My strengths and weaknesses both work together to help me succeed. I'm a people-pleaser who's terrified of letting people down and failing. That fear of failure drives me to work even harder. There's pressure. Some is real pressure and some is pressure I put on myself. There's pressure to be more creative, to make something better every time, and most importantly the pressure to communicate the Gospel.
That's where I'm at now. But lately? Lately I've been reminded that I need Jesus. My job isn't easy. I'm a husband and a father of 2 with one on the way. I own a home, I have a car payment, I have friendships that I'm not doing a good job of maintaining. There's a lot of pressure on the 28 year-old me. I shouldn't even pretend that I'm strong enough to handle it all on my own, but that's my default. But lately I've been wanting that to change. God's not a genie. I can't just wish for something to be different and have it be so. A relationship is a 2-way street. But it feels like one of the lanes has been closed for construction for way too long. That's my lane.
I know God created the world and created me, and I believe Jesus is the way, the truth, and the life. I believe that through Jesus we can be saved and have a real relationship with God. I'm broken, I'm lost, I'm weak. I need Jesus.
Subconscious Video Editing
Sometimes I'm editing videos even when I'm not editing videos. My subconscious is at work.
In the average night we have 4 to 6 dreams, and rarely do we remember any of them when we wake up. Sometimes I have vague recollections of dreams about video editing. It's probably more or less a product of the fact that I'm almost always editing videos when I'm awake, and so my brain is just used to it.
But the strange part is that sometimes I have dreams about videos that I have yet to complete. The only parts of these dreams that I can really remember is me sitting at a computer looking at a screen. I'm not doing anything super-exciting, so my conscious brain says, "Don't bother storing this boring thing in your memory."
However, there have been times when I'm editing a video that I've had on my mind for a long time, when a creative moment comes and I add a certain thing into a certain place in the video where my brain tells me that I've done this before. It's like my brain already came up with some of the edit but I have sit down and work at it before I remember. Sometimes it doesn't feel like I'm creating so much as I'm remembering how to put together a video I've already watched. This only seems to happen with videos that I have on my mind for a long time. If it's on a quick deadline, my subconscious brain doesn't have the time to think about how to edit it, and I have to come up with editing ideas
Unfortunately, I haven't found this "super-cool secret subconscious brain power" to necessarily make me faster and more efficient because remembering something I've forgotten is equally as time consuming as figuring out something I don't know. But it's still really interesting, and it's either a sign that I'm living my dream...literally, or that I'm completely insane. Or both.
In the average night we have 4 to 6 dreams, and rarely do we remember any of them when we wake up. Sometimes I have vague recollections of dreams about video editing. It's probably more or less a product of the fact that I'm almost always editing videos when I'm awake, and so my brain is just used to it.
But the strange part is that sometimes I have dreams about videos that I have yet to complete. The only parts of these dreams that I can really remember is me sitting at a computer looking at a screen. I'm not doing anything super-exciting, so my conscious brain says, "Don't bother storing this boring thing in your memory."
However, there have been times when I'm editing a video that I've had on my mind for a long time, when a creative moment comes and I add a certain thing into a certain place in the video where my brain tells me that I've done this before. It's like my brain already came up with some of the edit but I have sit down and work at it before I remember. Sometimes it doesn't feel like I'm creating so much as I'm remembering how to put together a video I've already watched. This only seems to happen with videos that I have on my mind for a long time. If it's on a quick deadline, my subconscious brain doesn't have the time to think about how to edit it, and I have to come up with editing ideas
Unfortunately, I haven't found this "super-cool secret subconscious brain power" to necessarily make me faster and more efficient because remembering something I've forgotten is equally as time consuming as figuring out something I don't know. But it's still really interesting, and it's either a sign that I'm living my dream...literally, or that I'm completely insane. Or both.
Buying a house- Neighborworks breakfast
Here's the speech I gave at a Neighborworks fundraising breakfast not long after we bought a house. It went really well. They raised $170,000, which far exceeded their expectations! Everyone told me that my speech was a big reason why. To me it was no big deal- I'm just blessed and excited to share with others how awesome Neighborworks is, so I spoke from my heart.
---------------------------------------------------------
Good morning everyone. It's an honor to be here today and to be able to share my
family's story and experience with neighborworks. If you had told my wife and I a year ago
that I'd be here this morning talking about buying our first home, we would have never
believed you.
Behind me now is a photo of my family in front of our new house that we just moved into
last month. Anyone who has ever bought a house knows what an amazing feeling it is
walking in for the first time knowing that it's yours. Right now, it's a house, but in time it's
going to become a home our home.
We first moved to Lincoln just over 2 years ago so I could pursue a career in video
production. Lindsay was a stay at home mom with our two kids, Judah, who is 4, and
Olivia, who is 3. Our apartment was nice...but we couldn't paint it the colors we wanted.
My kids didn't have a backyard to play in. My wife couldn't have a garden and she loves
gardening! At the end of the day it wasn't home. It was just building 8640, unit A.
We thought about buying a house, but when it came down to it, we just didn't know
anything about what it took. The whole process intimidated us, and in our minds it
seemed unattainable. We had some savings but not what we thought we'd need to get
into a place that was any better than our apartment. We felt stuck.
So Lindsay and I got frustrated and said, "Forget it!" Our 5th anniversary was coming up
and we decided the most logical thing was to blow through our savings and go on a crazy
anniversary trip, anywhere we wanted to in the world. There was a major issue though,
and that's that I don't actually like spending a lot of money.
We started out by looking at going to Europe or Australia, which was really expensive.
Then we started looking at California or New York, which was still really expensive. We
ended up going to Denver! It was an amazing trip, and most of our savings stayed in tact.
When we got back we decided to give this homeownership thing another look. As I
mentioned, I don't like spending a lot of money. We did some simple math at realized that
if we stayed in our apartment we'd be spending $45,000 on rent over the next 5 years.
That's $45,000 dollars we'd never see again. If you could all visualize with me for a
second, a pile of $45,000 in cash in your front lawn. Then imagine that pile being set on
fire. When I started thinking about it that way I knew it was time to get out of our apartment. I
realized that if we could afford to buy a house it would be a really wise investment over
time.
We had no clue where to begin. But then a coworker told me about a program called
Neighborworks. Everything she said sounded good, but I kept thinking that it all sounded
too good to be true. There had to be a catch. But the more I looked into it, the more I
realized that there wasn't a catch, and that it was a program that was genuinely all about
helping firsttime homebuyers like us.
That's when the whirlwind began. We met with a realtor in June and he suggested
neighbor works as well. We signed up and took the classes in July. The classes were
phenomenal. There was a ton of information, but we needed a ton of information! We
walked into our first class knowing almost nothing about the process of buying a house,
and when we walked out of our last neighbor works class we felt like we were ready to
buy a house that day...if only the bank would have let us.
As soon as we finished classes we started looking at houses. Neighborworks not only
helps new homebuyers fix up old houses, but they also build brand new ones. We started
by looking at those first and saw one we really liked. It seemed like a perfect fit and we
didn't even need to waste time look at anything else. All we had to do was wait for it to be
finished.
That was in August, and on October 15th we officially closed and moved in. Without
Neighborworks, we probably would have waited a few more years to buy a house when
we were actually ready now and didn't know it. Since we moved in we've already painted
the walls the colors that we selected. My kids have their own back yard to play in and they
love it. My wife can start a garden next spring. I'm even making plans for a man cave in
our basement.
We love our neighborhood so far, and we hope that as we turn our house into a home we
can also get to know our neighbors and help make our neighborhood a better place. You
know, Lincoln is an amazing community, and great communities start with great
neighborhoods. Neighborworks isn't just about fixing up old houses and building new
ones it's bigger than that. Neighborworks is helping families like mine have a home, and
in doing so they're improving neighborhoods and ultimately our community. Thank you!
---------------------------------------------------------
Good morning everyone. It's an honor to be here today and to be able to share my
family's story and experience with neighborworks. If you had told my wife and I a year ago
that I'd be here this morning talking about buying our first home, we would have never
believed you.
last month. Anyone who has ever bought a house knows what an amazing feeling it is
walking in for the first time knowing that it's yours. Right now, it's a house, but in time it's
going to become a home our home.
We first moved to Lincoln just over 2 years ago so I could pursue a career in video
production. Lindsay was a stay at home mom with our two kids, Judah, who is 4, and
Olivia, who is 3. Our apartment was nice...but we couldn't paint it the colors we wanted.
My kids didn't have a backyard to play in. My wife couldn't have a garden and she loves
gardening! At the end of the day it wasn't home. It was just building 8640, unit A.
We thought about buying a house, but when it came down to it, we just didn't know
anything about what it took. The whole process intimidated us, and in our minds it
seemed unattainable. We had some savings but not what we thought we'd need to get
into a place that was any better than our apartment. We felt stuck.
So Lindsay and I got frustrated and said, "Forget it!" Our 5th anniversary was coming up
and we decided the most logical thing was to blow through our savings and go on a crazy
anniversary trip, anywhere we wanted to in the world. There was a major issue though,
and that's that I don't actually like spending a lot of money.
We started out by looking at going to Europe or Australia, which was really expensive.
Then we started looking at California or New York, which was still really expensive. We
ended up going to Denver! It was an amazing trip, and most of our savings stayed in tact.
When we got back we decided to give this homeownership thing another look. As I
mentioned, I don't like spending a lot of money. We did some simple math at realized that
if we stayed in our apartment we'd be spending $45,000 on rent over the next 5 years.
That's $45,000 dollars we'd never see again. If you could all visualize with me for a
second, a pile of $45,000 in cash in your front lawn. Then imagine that pile being set on
fire. When I started thinking about it that way I knew it was time to get out of our apartment. I
realized that if we could afford to buy a house it would be a really wise investment over
time.
We had no clue where to begin. But then a coworker told me about a program called
Neighborworks. Everything she said sounded good, but I kept thinking that it all sounded
too good to be true. There had to be a catch. But the more I looked into it, the more I
realized that there wasn't a catch, and that it was a program that was genuinely all about
helping firsttime homebuyers like us.
That's when the whirlwind began. We met with a realtor in June and he suggested
neighbor works as well. We signed up and took the classes in July. The classes were
phenomenal. There was a ton of information, but we needed a ton of information! We
walked into our first class knowing almost nothing about the process of buying a house,
and when we walked out of our last neighbor works class we felt like we were ready to
buy a house that day...if only the bank would have let us.
As soon as we finished classes we started looking at houses. Neighborworks not only
helps new homebuyers fix up old houses, but they also build brand new ones. We started
by looking at those first and saw one we really liked. It seemed like a perfect fit and we
didn't even need to waste time look at anything else. All we had to do was wait for it to be
finished.
That was in August, and on October 15th we officially closed and moved in. Without
Neighborworks, we probably would have waited a few more years to buy a house when
we were actually ready now and didn't know it. Since we moved in we've already painted
the walls the colors that we selected. My kids have their own back yard to play in and they
love it. My wife can start a garden next spring. I'm even making plans for a man cave in
our basement.
We love our neighborhood so far, and we hope that as we turn our house into a home we
can also get to know our neighbors and help make our neighborhood a better place. You
know, Lincoln is an amazing community, and great communities start with great
neighborhoods. Neighborworks isn't just about fixing up old houses and building new
ones it's bigger than that. Neighborworks is helping families like mine have a home, and
in doing so they're improving neighborhoods and ultimately our community. Thank you!
2014
Time is a strange reality. Somehow it fools you into thinking that it's moving slowly only for you to suddenly wonder where it's gone.
That happened to me in 2014. It was an amazing year in my life. Yet it's already nearing an end, and it will simply be boxed up in my memory and stacked away somewhere in my mind.
It's hard to begin, really. I suppose the most satisfying outcome of this blog post if the future me is reading this is to put down some things that come to mind as I reflect over this past year, while also expressing how I feel in this very moment early in the morning of December 13th, 2014.
So let's start with this- the biggest milestone and life change in this past year is buying a house. Lindsay and I love our house so far. Being a new homeowner is intimidating at times, but also feels like it's what we're supposed to do. After living in an apartment for the past 2 years, and in a trailer at camp that wasn't ours before that, I can truly say that having a place to call our own is simply...refreshing. We moved in back in October, and I'd say that I'm still adjusting to life as a homeowner. Getting into the house was a little more expensive than planned, which is common, but right now we need to pay some bills. I'm hoping that in the coming months we'll be able to get on more solid ground in that regard.
In 2014 Judah and Olivia grew up more- Olivia especially. We started to see the goofy side of her personality at a very young age, and this year she really started to grow into it. Every day she makes us all laugh. And this week she finally got potty-trained! I was starting to wonder if it would ever happen, since every time I sat her on the toilet she'd whine and cry. I'm just mostly excited to save some money on diapers :)
Both Judah and Olivia are extremely smart. They both know their ABCs, Olivia can count to 20 and Judah can count to at least 50. Judah can also write all of his letters. The other thing that really impresses me about Judah is what he builds with his legos and train tracks. He comes up with track configurations that I don't think I could have ever though of. It's very impressive.
As for me, I work a lot. I love making videos and storytelling through video. Over the past year I've improved a lot. Reliant and Berean had plenty of work for me to do throughout the year, and I did my biggest freelance project ever for Preferred Popcorn this fall. I also filmed around 15 weddings. It was an insanely busy year. I'm guessing I was involved in somewhere around 100 video projects on some level, but who's counting? I'm hoping I find a little more balance in the future because right now I'm pretty worn out. I've always been a person that's very driven to improve constantly, and I still am, but I could be getting a little burnt out. Everyone has their limit...and this year I learned that I've got a pretty high threshold of work I can take on, but I also have a limit. Another challenging aspect that I've faced since doing freelance work is time off. I never have a day off. Sure, I have "days off" where I don't really work, but on those days I usually feel guilty that I'm not getting work done, which in turn discourages me and makes me not want to work, which makes me more guilty. All that to say- I LOVE what I'm doing and I feel so blessed that I get to create through video for a living. It's awesome...but not perfect...and there's a lot I can take away from 2014 and hopefully learn in the future to make sure that I keep loving it and stay motivated.
So there's that. This post is a little dry but it's late and I'm trying to summarize one of the craziest years of my life in less than a million words. It can't be done.
One other quick thought. I love Lincoln. It's an awesome town and I'm really enjoying the people that I'm getting to know. But there's another aspect, and that's that 4 of my closest friends live here, plus some other good friends I grew up with. I was just thinking about that last night as I came home from a "bro night." How awesome is it that some of my bros that I grew up with in small town Nebraska also ended up in Lincoln? I've been super busy and haven't really taken advantage of it like I should. There's something to improve on for 2015.
Another thing I hope to improve on in 2015 is self discipline. Wow, I'm terrible at food. Just terrible. For the past 3 years I've done a "biggest loser" contest to start the year with my in-laws. The contest runs 3 months and each year I've done well. But each year I've done terrible at keeping the weight off. Lindsay and I switched to being "vegan-ish" 2 years ago and overall I've been healthier, but I want to be better. Way better. I compromise- it's super easy to avoid meat. But what I really need to avoid is dairy and carbs. But for some reason that's way harder to avoid. So here's my results from the past 3 years. Year 1- lost 15 pounds, gained back 20. Year 2 (switched to being vegan), lost 25 pounds, gained back 15. Year 3, lost 15 pounds, gained back 15 pounds. ALL CAPS ANGER! I'm sick of it. I want to lose 25 pounds this year and keep the freaking weight off. I can be disciplined for 3 months when there's a contest on the line...but afterwords...I eat a lot of cookies. I can be better.
The last thought I have in regards to 2014 is how much I like Lincoln Berean. Lindsay and I love attending, and we are both on staff there now. I'm really happy Lindsay was able to get a job there- it truly was God at work to make that happen. She applied and then once we had the details for the job we didn't think it would work. She even called them to have her name removed from candidates for the job. But they called her back a week later and said they really wanted her. They were willing to be super flexible and it worked perfectly with our scheduling needs. It's been a huge blessing for her to get out of the house a couple of days a week and work with awesome people. God is good! I really enjoy my job on the youth staff. It's pretty challenging at times, but I love the challenge and I love knowing that God is directly using my work there to reach and teach kids. Not only that, but I really look up to the guys I work with there on the staff, and I'm blessed to call them friends!
So there it is, a crazy year summed up in a quick blog post. I always say this when I write- but I need to write more often. This isn't anything fancy but it was great to write. As for 2014- you were good to me, and 2015 is just around the corner with the opportunity to love God more and be better.
So there it is, a crazy year summed up in a quick blog post. I always say this when I write- but I need to write more often. This isn't anything fancy but it was great to write. As for 2014- you were good to me, and 2015 is just around the corner with the opportunity to love God more and be better.
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